what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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