A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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