Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
