How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
