I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
