I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize