I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's the barista slut.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
