Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
