I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
