I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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