Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize