Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
