I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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