A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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