My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
