How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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