True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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