I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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