Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
