I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
