I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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