yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
