I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
