A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
