my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
