Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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