I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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