All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
