my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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