I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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