I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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