Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize