Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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