Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
