that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
