So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
