im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
