Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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