you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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