Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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