So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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