made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
