There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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