just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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