The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
