we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
