also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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