there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
