there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
