Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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