the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
