party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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