i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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