One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
