I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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