Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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