Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
