Who wears a wallet chain?!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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