Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
