Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
