ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
