We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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