Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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