He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Houston, we have a squirter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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