WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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