So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
