Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
