She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
